i'm no one...i'm no where...i'm lost...i'm clueless...i'm stuck...
i think i contain my feelings too much..do i bottle them up too much? i dun noe... at first i thot the reason was cuz i can't rmb them...so i didnt really bother to think abt my troubles...but after today..after sarah g explode on me... i started to think...but then..am i thinking too much? or is it juz the time to think cuz i think too little? i dunno...i try to tolerate...i try to control...i try not to think..i try to understand...i try to help..i try to be nice...but strange...the more i try the more i suck...i always do the wrong thing..i cant get anything right... when they want me to listen i talk when they want me to talk i listen...when i control they want me to argue back but when i argue back they want me to control...is it me? or is it them? i dunno... friends and myself told me to be firm...not to be weak..to be confident..maybe i lack confidence...i give up too easily...maybe i dun try hard enough... why do ppl use me as a toy to vent their anger...why am i always the one who tolerates... why doesnt anyone tolerate me instead? well maybe besides my parents...why cant my friends tolerate me when i explode? i try not to talk cuz im afraid to make things worse but they call me emotionless or boring and when i do try to help and talk to them they either burst into tears or explode on me but i was juz trying to help i try to not be petty but when i explode they call me sensitive is it them or me? i cant really tell who it is but i noe...i controlled too long...maybe im not firm enough tts why ppl step over me..but maybe they're not stepping over me..maybe im thinking too much..but times over and over..i tried to control..to tolerate...but again and again they explode on me.. the worst of all is those were my close friends i feel stuck in between..i try not to think so much cuz i dun wanna be those who think so much tt they go depressed...i try not to assume...but when i juz obviously can tell wat they're trying to say they tell me not to assume and when i try to get things clear before thinking tt they think im blur and tells me to forget it..when i tell them not to say or do smth bad they tell me its their mouth they can talk watever they want or do watever they want cuz its a free world when i ask them why they want to know so much they tell me got a problem when i ask they tell me why do i want to know so much im tired of all these things...i dun really tell anyone abt all these stuff inside..neither do i explode abt them... maybe i do sometimes but ppl still tell me to be the one who forgives the one who takes the first move... to understand them... but why cant they understand me why cant they take the first move? why cant they be the one who forgive? i still try to be nice...i try to forget abt it but when i do they ask me questions bout it again...why am i the opposite? when they're stressed abt life thinking everything is against them... i used to think tts cuz they think too much...maybe i feel tt way..no actually i feel as though im not fitted in this world...cuz i make ppl burst into tears i make them angry i make their relationships go bad i feel like a double headed snake...im making everything go down...i am no help to anyone at all...i feel patheic.. maybe u think im thinking too much..but dun u think i was thinking too little? ppl always want things their way... but why dun i get my way? i want back my life... why do they keep having things their way...why muz everything suit them? why is everything so perfect for them? u make urself sound like ure in the worst crisis but the middleperson is always in the worst position...have u been the middleperson? if u havent..u'll nvr understand...i feel like crying.. im depressed.. im patheic.. im no one.. im no where... do any of u even care abt me? i noe some do..but some of u... juz gives me the impression tt all u care is ureself... u explode when u want u choose wat u want u get wat u want u complain what u want...why cant i complain? why cant i be the one who ask? why is it always u?why muz i always cover up my feelings juz to suit them? why am i always the one giving in... im tired... this world has no fault... they have no fault... maybe i guess its juz me...i'm weak i suck im no one im no where..im stuck..im pulled apart...now all i have left is questions...no answers...yet i feel more problems coming...is anyone ever gonna hear me out? am i ever gonna tell someone my real feelings?
This is something that really came from my heart... i bet lots of you want to argue with me stuff...
this is abt my friends especially my close ones... cant say who they are but they are my close friends for something but if u think this whole post is abt one person you're so wrong...and if ure trying to push the blame...u got a big prob... im so lost... will anyone ever save me? from all these things that confuse and burst my brains... guess what? i think i juz forgot everything.. the nxt time i write a post abt hidden feelings... it will be the time i rmb all these bad thots...
cya! sorries i didnt blog for so long but i guess this is worth waiting unless these feelings are really tt boring...i guess it is cuz this is from me a boring person...who would want to understand a boring person? i am not borin okay!? im fun! see i told u i forgotten everything! lets wait for next month! when Hidden Feelings Part III returns! hahahaaha sounds like a show! but wakakakaka! hehe!
Listening to The Reason by Hoobastank